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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 13, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the thirteenth series. Key * HD – Hugh Dennis * AP – Andy Parsons * MJ – Milton Jones * EB – Ed Byrne * RR – Romesh Ranganathan * KR – Katherine Ryan Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear During An Election Campaign KR - '''I know we didn't follow through on all that bollocks we said before, but this time we really mean it! '''AP - '''We in the Green Party think we had a cracking election. Nobody's voted for us, but they've put all of the electoral literature for us in the correct recycling bin! '''MJ - We will get rid of obesity by making the doors to chip shops really narrow. EB - I visited a factory today, and a man let me ride on a forklift. It was good. KR - We are not a racist party, though we are throwing a racist party tonight for Nigel's birthday. MJ - Farage, this is my bunk mate. UKIP on the top bunk. AP - For goodness sake, Boris, when we said "Press the flesh with the electorate," we meant shake hands! RR - I'll probably gonna vote for Lib Dem. EB - I think the best way for me to explain why you should vote for Conservatives, is with this rap *snaps fingers* HD - Nick Clegg has demanded a recount. Here we go... one. Happy now? RR - The public have spoken, and they said I'm a knob. HD - We will shorten the waiting list for eye operations by building hospitals on the far side of busy roads. RR - We plan to the replace the glass ceiling for women with something much easier to clean. Unlikely Film Trailers HD - (deep voice) One man, fights his greatest peril: Laryngitis. MJ - Troy. Certificate 15. If you're too young, why don't you make a giant wooden adult...? AP - Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, in... well, it doesn't matter, it's going to be shit anyway. RR - A UKIP film presentation: 101 Damned Asians. KR - Tom Cruise in the most ludicrous Sci-Fi thriller yet: A scientology documentary. EB - This summer, Russell Crowe is... punching people... randomly in... the face! MJ - From the makers of Cockaone... (makes rooster noises) Cockatoo. KR - Do you wanna build a snowman? Do you want to have the words to "Let It Go" in your head all the time until you die? Then come see Frozen. I dare you! EB - Thor. You'd be amazed at how problems can be solved by a big man with a massive hammer. HD - I Can't Read Productions presents Salmon Fishing In The Semen... Yemen! MJ - Look! An ancient African city. From the makers of Timbukone... RR - Russell Crowe stars as Bob Marley. The accent's so offensive, you won't even care he blacked up. AP - No, this isn't The Day the Earth Stood Still. It's just that you're in Norfolk. EB - Tom Cruise! Explosions! A flash of boob! That will do ya. AP - Despicable Me 3, now starring as the arch-villian Gru, Dara O'Briain. MJ - It looks like a runner bean, only smaller. From the makers of Monge One... HD - "I only told you to blow the bloody door off!" In cinemas now, The Oscar Pistorius Story. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See